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- ignoramus
the best thing to do if Ramus shows up
- incongruous
when you unexpectantly win a Senate seat
- infamy
a word seldom used after Toyota sales topped 2 million
- innovation
a round of applause for the innkeeper
- kindred
the fear of visiting relatives
- laughing stock
a herd of cows with ticklish teats
- lead pencil
one of the legitimate imports from China
- left after
what's left after you've eaten the leftovers
- lingerie
the only clothing where less costs more
- livelihood
a crook on Ritalin
- living on the edge
Humpty Dumpty's last known address
- lunatic
a bug that tries to get blood out of a moon rock
- manifold
the process of making a paper airplane
- masseuse
a woman who gets paid to rub it in
- miracle drug
one that costs less than 3 figures
- mis-spoke
the title given to the winner of the female Tour De France
- mistress
a seamstress who didn't miss as much as it seems
- money laundering
the change you find in the bottom of your washing machine
- morose
General Mills' new marketing strategy
- networking
term fishermen use to pad their resumes
- nightmare
a racehorse who only wins if there's a total eclipse of the sun
- oratory
the place where they stash all the canoe paddles
- oyster
lover of yiddish exclamations
- pacifist
substitute for a pacifier
- pasteurize
where your life goes when you have a near-death experience
- permanent
a temporary hairdo
- pesticide
when a cockroach does a swan dive into a garbage disposal
- pillage
the epoch marked by the advent of Prozac
- placebo
a pill that has no side effects other than death
- poop deck
a naval term attributed to Noah
- precedent
when a president's son becomes president
- prenuptial agreement
a contract between suspicious lovers
- private
a soldier who has no privacy whatsoever
- private account
politically correct lingo for a piggy bank
- puddle jumper
the owner of a new puppy
- pugilist
a roster of prizefighters
- quandary
when you lose your clothes at the laundry
- retailer
what your cat needs after a close call with a lawn mower
- scandel
a size C sandel
- science fiction
any scientific acclaim that omits God
- separatist
one who uses a divided plate for Thanksgiving dinner
- sermon
an inspired messaged directed mainly at those who are not in attendance
- shindig
an archeaological dig that reveals nothing but a big pile of tibias
- side-dish
a good-looking mistress
- sitcom
forerunner of the laugh track
- Sodom & Gomorrah
a real urban renewal challenge
- soulmate
what every "odd sock" is seaching for
- space bar
a place to pick up Martian singles
- spin doctor
the first Ph.D. to affix a propeller to his beanie cap
- stakeholder
the most important person at the barbecue
- stalemate
a spouse whose favorite breakfast is chipped beef on zwieback
- stir fry
a prison potato
- stroke-of-luck
hole-in-one
- stuff
what people do on Thanksgiving - first to the turkey, then to themselves
- subscribe
keeper of the log of the USS Nautilus
- surefire
giving a box of matches to a pyromaniac
- surgeon
a class cutup who makes good
- the end is near
the opening line of a short story
- toboggan
to haggle over prices in Boston
- tongue lashing
an assault on an ice cream cone
- trade deficit
when you import more automobiles than you export "Big Macs"
- trampoline
keeps your escort service running smoothly
- veiled threat
when your girlfriend hints at a wedding
- wanton soup
a Chinese soup gone awry
- weblog
Charlotte's diary
- winsome
the first half of the philosophy of a coach who loses half his games
- wisdom
the real reason Wis was unable to attend college
- yuletide
the tsunami of the Christ
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